My friends watched me as they listened for the train we had rushed to catch. My uncertainty about my future hit me as I stood facing an already open turnstile in the BART station, wondering if I needed to put my ticket in before walking through it. (The answer is yes, of course, otherwise it messes the ticket up for the exit). At that moment, I was incapable of making any more decisions. Clearly, my friends wondered how I managed to travel through Europe for six months if I could not master BART.

Decisiveness has never been a strength in my personality. In Europe, though, I encountered very little hesitation in my actions. I made quick decisions as I ran for trains when their destinations were unclear. I picked restaurants without analyzing the menus to exhaustion. I took chances and allowed myself to get lost. And most times, even bad decisions worked themselves out to be good decisions. There are two reasons for the purposeful life I led in England. First, I had no travel companion with whom to banter about choices. The second reason had to do with a dream about sparkly, blue flowers on rectangle trees.

Dreams are a useful way for me to work out problems, though I am a bit worried about the dream where I was literally cleaning out Nixon’s kitchen cabinet. I can reproduce detailed descriptions of dreams I had in childhood, like one that involved a whole War of the Worlds scenario and another where I saw Lincoln’s face in my bedroom window. (The penchant for American Presidents is a bit disturbing.) As the trip came together and as I closed up my apartment and quit my job, I began to wonder about doing something so out of character that even many family members and friends did not think I would actually go through with it. I suspect I thought at some level that I would change my mind. About a month before I left, I sorted it out with a dream.

In the dream I was trying to get to a familiar place, but the path was blocked by an immense black hole. There were bushes overgrowing the path around the hole, making it very dangerous to navigate the hole and get to my destination. I decided to change my route, knowing that I would find my way around the abyss and be back in a comfortable place again. Only I did not know where the detour would take me. I followed my bliss by taking Robert Frost’s less-traveled road. That is where I found the rectangle trees dropping blue flowers onto the road. People stopped on the sidewalk and danced in the flowers with me. I watched as the petals fell on me like glitter off a Christmas card. When I woke from the dream, I had no doubts. Thank goodness for that dream. It helped me understand that not all obstacles are permanent impediments. It is possible to get to a desired place in life, even when a black hole blocks the way.

I’m in Nevada now, stopped on my way back to Idaho from another stay in California. I am so lucky to have my loved ones back in my life. I have many people to care for, but there are also many people that want to bring me into their lives, to include me in their homes and activities, and to introduce me to ready-made friends. It is a privilege to be needed – to make a difference in the lives of others. Before I took my amazing journey, I planned to decide on my life’s next destination before I came home. It hasn’t quite worked out as I planned. There are delays in making that decision, as well as less certainty about how I will get to my dream place. I must decide not to decide. Maybe the original detour in my life’s journey was necessary, making it possible for me to be in this place at this time. I wrote about looking for yellow butterflies and searching for pink shirts. Now, I need to trust that I will experience the blue flowers and rectangular trees on my life’s updated route.

Thank you, all my friends and readers, for following my blog and posting comments. Even though I decided to keep the later comments private, I did read them and I appreciate the support you gave me. Your support reinforced my belief that my life is truly blessed. I will continue with my blog, but my focus will change, now that I’m back in the USA. I hope you will continue to read and make comments. And I wish that you all will get to see the blue flowers of your dreams.